My feet have shrunk! WTF?!

Did you know that when you lose weight, your feet shrink? I had no idea! I knew that my feet had been growing over the past several years, but I thought it was the fish bowl syndrome. You know how they say if you put a fish in a tank, and there is room for it to grow, it will grow to a size to fit the tank? Well, I believed feet do the same thing. Yeah; I have always had wide feet anyway, and since so few shoes are available in wide widths, sometimes I'd have to go up a size to get one wide enough for my feet. I used to be a size 8. Then it was an 8 1/2. When I was at my heaviest, sometimes it was even a 9. It seemed what I really needed was an 8 3/4, but they don't make those.

Well, I bought several pairs of shoes when I started the diet. This particular shoe here, I had bought in an 8 1/2, and I could barely squeeze my foot into it. And since I had no intentions of reducing my foot size by way of Aschenputtel, I opted instead to purchase a pair in a larger size. Alas, they were still a rather tight fit.

Today, I took a nostalgic tour of my closet, trying on old clothes to see what I can get back into. I spied the shoes and thought, "I forgot about these." Naturally, I had to try them on and see how they fit.

They don't. Oh there's plenty of room now! I get that my feet are much more slender, but how the heck did they get shorter too?!

Summer Challenge

As I had mentioned a couple of posts back, my current challenge has been to be at a weight of 165 by 6/21 (the first day of Summer). Well, that day was yesterday, and I am pleased to report that not only did I meet that goal (1 week early!) I passed it quite well. As of yesterday, I am now 161.6, which represents a total loss of 67 pounds since I started July 13, 2009!

So I now need to set myself another mini goal. The number is easy: 75 lbs. It is the date I can't come up with. There has been a significant date or event for each of my mini goals thus far. Looking towards the future keeps me motivated, so it is not simply the number I like to focus on. Moreover, what kind of goal has no set parameters? I do like to make the goal realistic, about a pound a week average, but with a little push to make me have to work for it, but not so difficult that I end up setting myself up for failure. 153.6 is 8lbs away. 8 weeks from 6/21 is August 16. Nothing significant about that date...except that is the date my Home Depot bill is due before interest accrues. But, alas, I have already paid that off.

As I ponder these dates, I am struck by the reality of what I am doing: in the early days of this blog, I stated that I would be surprised to ever see 150 again, and here I am planning when I'll be nearing that milestone.

This realization has tears welling up in my eyes. When I started back on 7/13/09, I did not really believe I could do this. Now, the question I find myself asking is no longer if I can do it. The question is when.

My clavicle is back

This one is short and sweet. My clavicle is making itself known again.

I recall a conversation I had several years ago with a relative who has struggled similarly with her weight over the years. She said that she was always able to tell when it was time to start watching her weight, when she could no longer detect her clavicle. I remember that it was a moment of communitas between the two of us, as I remarked about a similar observation.

So as I was uploading pictures of yesterday's party (my eldest son graduated from high school this week, and we threw a family swim and barbecue party in his honor), I spotted it in a picture of myself. My clavicle.

Blast from the past

We study history, so they say, as a means of avoiding repeating the mistakes of the past. Well, I just went through and re-read my whole blog here from day one, and I have to admit that I really wish I had kept it up all the way through. It is inspiring to myself to see where I have been and how far I have come. Though, I don't know if I'll really learn anything from this revelation and continue with it as frequently as I should, but I'd like to think that I will.

Certainly, the process of losing weight is an emotional journey. It is also quite the trek through time. As I reach new lows, I can recall specific instances of when I was last at that weight as well as many of the emotions that were associated with those places. These days, I'm feeling especially emotional. For the first time in a long time, I'm beginning to feel pretty again, and it is giving me a great confidence that affects many other aspects of my life. I look to my future with eagerness, like there is something wonderful waiting for me just around the next bend.

But as I look into my past, I'm reminded of friends--significant and platonic--from days gone by. One thing no one ever wants to do is to reconnect with someone and have them compare how you now to what you were then--especially when you've gone downhill! But you can't expect that not to happen. I admit that I notice when others have changed for the worse, just as I make note of those who still look damned good, much to my chagrin!

Well, the internet is a very interesting place. Where else can you find people you used to know, see their pictures, intuit precisely who they are today by the little blurbs they post on places like Facebook and Twitter? While I have to say I really have not gotten into the whole Twitter thing, I admit to being totally addicted to Facebook. (Shut up; you know you are too, so don't judge me!)

Anyway, I think I've been on Facebook for about 2 years now. In that time, I have received many friend requests from people I used to attend school with. Well, I really couldn't have that; I mean, after all, I don't need them seeing what has happened to me after all these years! So, most of them I ignored their requests. I even looked-up an old boyfriend, but no way in hell was I going to invite him to see what has become of me! So I have hitherto kept Facebook primarily for those with whom I have a current personal connection.

One of the few friends from the past I have allowed on my Facebook is my friend Kim (shout out to ya, Kim, 'cause I know you're reading this!) Back in high school, we had ended our friendship in a really bad way. Actually, she wanted to kick my ass, and I think she could have done a pretty damned good job of it! It was due partly to a misunderstanding and partly due to my saying something really stupid and not realizing just how much things one says can hurt someone. We actually reconnected through classmates.com, and without getting into all the details, let me just say that over the past few years since doing so, it has really reminded me of how good of friends we had been before our falling out.

When you end a relationship with someone on a bad note, you tend to not recall all the good times you had, and all you can think of is the pain and anger and resentment you have towards them. That is a shame. So after many instances of talking on the phone, emailing back and forth, and now posting on Facebook, it has really reminded me how much I had once really valued our friendship, and it is sad that so many years went by before I realized this. I am happy to say that I can once again call her my friend.

(Segway) I know it seems that I ramble mindlessly, but like Virginia Woolf, I do eventually get to the point, and all the stuff in-between--extraneous as it may seem--is integral to the point I'm trying to make. So back to Facebook, and back to my weight-loss.

So now that I have lost this certain amount of weight; now that I don't feel so disgustingly huge and ugly; now that I have a restored sense of confidence, I am brave enough to allow old friends into my Facebook. I did finally send a message to that old beau, and do you know what he said to me? He said I was still beautiful. Beautiful! That really put a smile on face!

When all is said and done, it seems what we're really looking for is acceptance from those who mean something to us whether it was in the past or it is now. Like I said before, losing this weight has affected me in ways emotional and temporal. But it has also restored so much to me in ways I would never have expected.

Still going strong!

I'm still hanging in there!

As of my last weigh-in, I have lost a total of 61.4lbs! My BMI is no longer in the "obese" range. Thank goodness because that really is an ugly word. My bra size continues to decrease at a much faster rate than my ass, unfortunately.

Training is going well, and I have gotten much stronger. For the first time in my life, my legs are getting shapely. I can do 20 push-ups now. I think when I started I could only do seven.

I have a summer challenge set for myself; I'd like to be down to 165 by 6/21. Only 2.2lbs to go to meet that one.

A long time...

It has been a long time since I've posted to the blog. No doubt, many of you probably think I have given up. Not so. I just started thinking not many people were reading the blog, so I've been posting my updates to Facebook every week instead.

This week marks a major milestone for me. At today's weigh-in, I dropped 3.8lbs this week for a total of 50lbs since July 13!! I had set my second mini-goal of 50lbs by my 40th birthday, or 50 by 40 as I have been calling it. Two weeks ago, I had been up 1.8lbs, and it was looking like I would not be able to make my goal.

We had gone out to Ruth's Chris for Valentine's Day, and I had splurged on 2 martinis, the petite filet mignon WITH BUTTER, 2 pieces of bread, a salad with balsamic vinaigrette, a shared-half of an order of broccoli au gratin, and creme brulee for dessert. So at that weigh-in--despite the fact that I had sufficient weekly points and activity points to cover the splurge--I was up 1.8lbs.

Was I to be found cowering in a fetal position or rocking back 'n forth in a dark corner? No. That bodacious meal was SO worth the 1.8lb gain. After all, I hadn't had a splurge like that in a long time! I've decided life is going to be full of ups and downs, celebrations, holidays, sad moments...many times when I'll feel the need/want to eat a little more. I've accepted that that is going to be a part of living on the program and making this a way of life for me.

But back to my point. After that gain, it looked like I would not make my goal on time. But I did!

Incidentally, what prompted me to write this entry today, has to do with a fullness that I am feeling right now. No; it is not the 11 point enchilada dinner that I just ate.

It is the support that I am receiving from my friends, family, neighbors, acquaintances, fellow Weight Watchers, people I converse with in forums, all cheering me along the way. Every week when I post my updates to Facebook, I am congratulated by all these wonderful people. I get messages that I am inspiring others in their own weight-loss efforts.

I am humbled. I am touched. My cup runneth over, and I'm not referring to my bra.

From the bottom of my heart. Thank you to everyone who is supporting me on this journey. There aren't words enough to express how much it really means to me.

Weigh-in Monday!

I am happy to announce that I lost 1.8 pounds this week for a total of 27.4 pounds. I'm now down to 201.2. My current mini-goal is to be 198.6 (below 200 and an exact 30lbs) by November 30 when I go on a cruise with my girlfriends. That is still 6 weeks away, and I'm only 2.6 lbs away from that goal. So I'm confident I'll make it.

I also had a new recipe to share, but as usual, I ate it before I could take a picture of it. This whole photographing one's food before eating it is just so not natural. (And besides, I'm such a terrible food photographer. I really need to learn some tips on photographing food!)

Anyway, I assure you all it was absolutely delicious!